Schmidt is a "Mess" and Other Updates

Schmidt: Reasons I liked him: He's funny and fun to hang out with, he's attractive, he's "cool" and I thought he was too good for me but he seemed to like me anyway.  We hung out at my house on Monday evening.  He greeted me with an enthusiastic hug and then we sat around chit-chatting and watching TV.  We also became somewhat intoxicated.

After at least 2/3 of a Pixar film, I basically insisted we make out; he obliged.  However, perhaps because of the intoxication and late-night-ness of the moment, or perhaps because one or more of us wasn't that into it, or who knows what, the making out was not nearly as fun as it was the first time :(.  Anyway, we hung out til late and then I kicked him out.  The following afternoon, I received a text from ol' Schmidty saying, and I quote "Hey sorry if I was bein weird last I'm just kind of a mess/have been kind of a mess lately."  I responded saying that I was sorry to hear that, and, if he's ok with it could he please explain why he was a mess.  He replied with what should have been incredibly predictable, "Just the usual ex stuff.  Shitty cliche but accurate."  Pshhh.  The end.


Michael Cera:  I never fully described my Shy Canadian but he really doesn't require any description.  After a brief coffee date and a depressing movie date, MC asked me out for dinner.  I replied with,

"Hey MC, thanks for the invite but I'm not actually interested in going out again.  It was nice to meet you!"

I find in situations like this it is less painful for all involved to rip the rejection bandaid right off rather than the slow peel of repeated blowing-off and eventual ignoring.  Still, I always feel like a bit of a douche when I send these texts.  Well, MC pushed me right on over into feeling like a full-on-douche.  He replied with,

"That's disappointing and a bit unexpected, but I appreciate your unambiguous response."

Well played, sir.  Very direct and also a bit unexpected.

Brett Gelman is not-Chandler, above

Gelman: I OKMessaged back and forth with Gelman today for several hours.  I have named him Gelman because I messaged him first, and pointed out that he resembles comedic actor Brett Gelman.  I then sat back and waited to see if he was insulted; Mr. Gelman isn't exactly a looker.  I did say he looked like a YOUNGER Brett Gelman, but still.  Anyway he is much cuter than BG, but in one photo where he sported a beard, the resemblance was immediately apparent.  I will give a more thorough description if it turns out we go out.  Please see adjacent photo of Brett Gelman and imagine him with more hair and blue eyes and less creepy.

An Interwebs Mistake: So, if you are my mom, sibling or anyone who doesn't want to hear mildly personal, mildly "sex-related" things about me, then I am very sorry.  You may want to skip this part, but its pretty amusing and very inoffensive so I'd just suck it up were I you.

Anywaaaaay, I learned a lesson about the internet today: don't tell it you may be horny.  There are many, varied mutliple-choice questions OKCupid poses to its users.  You may answer as many and whichever ones you please.  Today, while browsing someone else's (hey, Gelman's!) answers I noticed one of my own answers that required an update.  The question:

"Are you more lonely or horny?" Options: Lonely, Horny.

I previously had chosen lonely but my current mindset mandated an honest update and I chose horny.  Well, friends and countrymen, a few things didn't occur to me.  First thing that didn't occur to me: when users change profile info or answer questions these occurrences show up in a sort of "feed" that other users see.  I often see the updates of local dudes that meet my criteria and people that I have rated highly.  Turns out every dude on OKCupid saw my horny-ness update.  Second thing that didn't occur to me: every dude on OKCupid thinks its a good idea to message a (possibly, because all I said what that I was MORE horny than I was lonely) horny girl.

I had over 100 dudes check me out after that fateful edit and approximately 20 messages from men as distant as Israel (although that dude just said that tall women are bad in bed, soooooo).  To the right, please find an interesting screen cap of just a select few of the gentleman who visited my profile today.

Wow, this is a long'un.  Sorry kids.