Gamemaster: Near-Death Experience Edition

Are you aware of the hypothesis that there are remnants of our cave-man genes that result in our attraction to traits exhibiting evolutionary advantages?  I.e., a dude being attracted to ladies with big hips, so they can have lots of babies so hopefully one or two of them will live into adulthood and carry on his genes?  I think I failed to exhibit a very important trait that would suggest my Darwinian chances of survival: the ability to chew and swallow ones food and live through the experience.  I'm sure cave-ladies used to really like cave-gents who could wrestle a bear and then eat it - something that required great strength and bravery, and could nourish a family.  Well, Gamemaster, you've now witnessed me wrestle a piece of macaroni and cheese with my esophagus, and barely win, a feat which requires only involuntary organ reflexes.  Yikes.

It is really embarassing to be choking on a very tiny speck of food: not because one is worried about their imminent death, but rather, because ones body is violently attempting to expel a foreign object and one has basically no control over this.  Tears stream, face turns red; holding up a napkin can only slightly mask the absurd facial contortions and bodily convulsions resulting from my body's rejection of a speck of semolina.  I don't even care what Gamemaster thinks of me, I wasn't particularly taken with him.  Yet, I wanted the booth to open up and swallow me whole until I was over my choking episode.  It didn't help that the people sitting very close to our right could easily tell we were on a first date and were worried about my pending death by asphyxiation - I would have stared too, fellow diners, I would  have stared too.




So, this long-winded anecdote of embarassment is just a great summation of our date.  I tried to be suave and slick despite my lack of interest in my date, but as usual, I failed miserably.  I'm beginning to think I'm a terrible date.  I just say whatever is on my mind (I realize those of you who know me, aka all of you, are SHOCKED to hear this) and I'm not great at filtering myself to appear demure and appealing.

Gamemaster was certainly also trying to be suave, and he complimented me several times.  People who know me are aware of this: if a friend or family member compliments me, I graciously accept said compliment and reply with, "I know, I am beautiful, and did you also notice my impeccible style?"  When a stranger I am not attracted to compliments me, I blush, stare at the floor/my feet/my dinner and don't say anything for an awkwardly long time.  What is wrong with me!?  It doesn't help that I stared at the same document for about 10 hours at work today and am mildly sick with a cold for the fourth straight week.  Oy.

America (aka, Facebook friends and mom), I went on this date for you.  Considering my mental and physical states, I would not have gone on this date tonight were it not for my adoring public (again, aka, Facebook friends and mom).  You're welcome.