Why I'm Tired of Going on First Dates

1. I'm tired of explaining my job.  My job is fine, I find it mildly interesting, but it is insanely boring to explain to people.  And let's be honest, most other people's jobs are pretty boring to hear about, so add hearing about other people's jobs to that list.

Layla is Tired; Her Life is Hard

2. I'm tired of thinking of different bars to go to, because the waitstaff at the most convenient/first-date-appropriate bars are going to start thinking I'm an escort.  Finding a good first date bar is tricky: it needs to be low-key enough that it's not packed and you can have a conversation, but enjoyable enough that you're not the only two people in there.  It's also convenient to find a place easily accessible via public transportation so no one has to worry about drinking/driving.  The Square-O-Bars closest to me is awesome for Sunday-Thursday night dates, but largely too crowded for Friday or Saturday night dates. Standing near a bar in a group of strangers and shouting over said strangers and/or bar music is not ideal.

3. I'm tired of worrying that my date is going to think I'm icky.

Me, trying on a (very unappealing) first date outfit

4. I'm tired of trying to find good first date outfits.  I'm vain, I admit.  I want a first date to think I'm attractive and at least somewhat appealing, even if I think they're the icky one.  Being out of shape and less-than thrilled with my physical appearance means strategic first date outfit choice is key.  Turns out this isn't really a big deal, as long as I avoid the pitfall of the same-bar-every-Friday-night-with-a-different-guy, I can more or less just wear the same outfit every first date.  Second date I'm far less concerned about looking appealing (I still attempt, but feel less pressure I suppose) because, theoretically, he finds me at least marginally attractive if we're going out again.

5. I'm tired of being disappointed by these dates.

Despite all these cranky complaints, I'm quite looking forward to my make-up date with Mr. Manners tomorrow (Friday) evening at an establishment of my choosing that I think will be a good first-date choice.  Mr. M seems very polite and kind and in possession of a sense of humor.  I'm working on approaching these dates with cautious optimism.

All About: Mr. Manners and a Quick Date Recap

Mr. M

Mr. Manners and I have been messaging back and forth for a bit now.  He was initially blown away by one of my profile answers (and obviously my stunning beauty): Q; What do you spend a lot of time thinking about? My A; Why people from New England are not called New English.  Obviously he is whip-smart for appreciating my biting wit.

Anyway, we went back and forth about my charm and good looks and finally made a date for drinks this Wednesday evening.  He seems like a sweet, funny guy who I need not describe other than: he is the kind of guy who simultaneously sports 5 o'clock shadow, a flannel and a hoodie.  On formal occasions it appears he wears a flannel and a v-neck sweater.  I'm pretty proud of my drawing of Mr. Manners, not because of my shining tallent, but rather because, image-wise, he's very easy to get down on colored tagboard with a sharpie.  He's kind of the Odie of OKCupid.

First Date: Joe Edition

Pro: Punctual

Con: Didn't say please and thank you to the waitress
Pro: Jovial
Con: borderline creepy dating record
Pro: He gave me a sweet-ass business card
Con: He's a little obnoxious
Pro: He's into high-fiving
Con: He had two cigarettes during our date and was consequently smelly*
Pro: I wasn't repulsed by the thought of making out with him
Con: I didn't particularly want to make out with him


*according to Joe, he only smokes when he drinks, but still, ew.


I had legitimate fun on this date, but that could be attributable to slight desperation on my part and a decent level of intoxication on both our parts.  He asked me out again for next weekend and I think I said ok but I'm not super stoked about it.

I'm feeling pretty discouraged for some reason right this mo.  I might need a bit of a break from these weirdos, and lets admit it, I'd probably be doing some good for the online dating community if I removed a few ounces of crazy for a few weeks.

All About Joe: Bad-Drawing Ressurection

Joe.

I have recently been lucky enough to receive OKCupid messages from two decent-to-attractive gents.  However, in both cases, they have not replied to my reply.  Instead, I have received an initial message and several replies from a very large (tall and big from what I can tell, not particularly fat?) average looking fellow, Joe.  Joe happens to have terrible spelling skills, which is an acceptable trait - in 1984! when we didn't have spell check!  Jeez, spell check your profile and 2 sentence messages, fella.

Anyway, I overlooked this horrific flaw and we exchanged witty pleasantries several times until he suggested we meet for drinks in the near future.  I am babysitting tomorrow evening (I expect my sister to give me extra AAPs [Awesome Auntie Points] for Saturday night babysitting) and had no plans this (Friday) evening.  However, upon entering South Station to head home from work I was forced to make plans: with me, my couch and the box of thin mints I purchased from some young pigtailed ladies in the T-station.  So, I told Joe that this weekend wasn't going to work, but any other time would pretty much work (to be honest, I told him as much before the thin mint purchase, but I like to take artistic license to make myself sound more pathetic).  He suggested next Friday and offered to venture into my neighborhood for drinks.  I have to say, I get pretty stoked when dudes immediately offer to come to me instead of either suggesting I trek to their hood or we meet on neutral ground.  Anyone who unwittingly fosters my laziness is A-Ok in my book!  Anyway, we exchanged numbers and I took on the serious responsibility of making the plans.  We have a drink-date a week from today in sweet, sweet Somerville.

The other (one-time?) suitors and a BigRed update:

The Internet if Full of Flakes, and, I Have Things to Say About an Article

So, my internet dream-boat (read: reasonably attractive, non-terrible person) Schmidt sent me a very disappointing text this evening in which he informed me that he is like every other interwebs-dating dufus: a huge flake.  I asked Schmidty to go to a show with me this coming Thursday evening, and he accepted this offer.  This evening he sent me a very apologetic text informing me that his "best bud from Chicago is playing" at the same time as the show he agreed to attend with me and that takes precedence.  While I am disappointed that he is bailing on our plans, at the same time, my internet-dating-ruined brain couldn't help but think, "Hey, he was very apologetic, gave me plenty of notice to find an alternative companion, and even offered to pay for his ticket in the event I could not do as much, what a gentleman."  Considering I dated a douchebag who regularly bailed on our plans for no reason other than he didn't feel like going, Schmidt seems like a Prince.  So, hopefully he will accept my suggested pennance and we will hang out another night.  And, he should be supper jeal-y as my new roommie and I will be seeing Harmontown together this Thursday :).

In other news, my other roommate brought a very interesting article to my attention from a little-known paper and internet publication.  I highly recommend reading it, especially if you are a single lady or lass in your mid-twenties to mid-thirties, but in sum, it postulates that courtship is dead and all single creatures of our generation just hang out and hook up and no one goes on dates.  The article goes on to suggest many reasons for and results of this supposed trend.  I think its an enourmous generalization based on a few young'uns in NYC and doesn't particularly correlate with my experience.  In the past few months I've gone on several "drink" dates and two dinner dates.  Personally, I prefer a drink date as it is much more flexible and allows the option of leaving at almost any time, whereas dinner requires a civilized person to, at the very least, scarf down a meal before making an exit.  I will also note that this article is obviously ill-researched as it doesn't mention the pre-eminent online-dating blog of 2013: Plentyofokstupidmatches.blogspot.com.  Duh.

Hopefully there will be a rescheduled date with Mr. Schmidt soon.  My roommie and I will surely enjoy ourselves on our date this week either way.

I Don't Know How to Talk to You: In Which I Go On A Date With a Dick

I have gone out on weird dates, internets.  I have gone out with weirdos, I have choked (literally) and I have chit-chatted my out of of awkwardness.  I have also watched thousands of television siutational-comedies (aka, sit-coms) where-in ladies go out with dicks.  Well, as of tonight, January 11, the year of our Lord 2013, I have now gona on a date with a dick.

This was the weirdest, most combative date I've ever been on.  This feller, BigRed, weirdly confronted me on every little thing I said, and then, on the rare occasion where I couldn't hold my tongue and called him out, he just said, "what? I'm just fucking with you!"  This kept happening, drink after drink (ok, for just 2 drinks).  By the time the waitress came to ask if we wanted another (our 3d) drink, I said yes for one reason, and one reason only: to see what other crazy shit this dude would say so I could tell you fools about it.  Well, the weird, contfontrational shit kept going.  This chap even went on to more or less mock me about what he percieved to be my "eagerness" to go out earlier this week.  This whole 2 hours/3 drinks we spent together came off, to me, as a man desperate to defend every sentence he uttered, including things said then, previously, and in the future. Also, I got the distinct impression that he severely disliked me. It was weird as weird can be.*  

First Date: About to go out/bad news edition

Skeptical Lauren

So, I'm going out with BigRed shortly.  Our initial plan was to meet in the nearest Sville Square at 8 p.m. (it is now 8:10 p.m.).  Then it got pushed to 8:30.  Now, he's thinking 9.  I moved the location approximately 0.5 mi. closer to my residence to accommodate for his pre-date douchebaggery.


Now, I understand that sometimes things happen and someone is late.  I also realize that sometimes people fall asleep at 6 p.m. and fail to follow through on previously made plans.  But, someone doing both of these in the span of four days, combined with the demise of my last relationship being directly related to similar actions, does not equal happy Lauren (see below).  So, I am going to meet him at a very nearby bar in, supposedly, about half an hour, but I'm not stoked about it.  He is not beyond redemption, but (I'm really, really sorry in advance for what I'm about to type) lets just say he must overcome a rebuttable presumption that he's a douche.

Happy Lauren

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, but lets just say I have 2/3 of a bottle of wine sitting here awaiting my return.  Also, check back for more details about the Schmidt developments of the past several days.

BigRed: Timeline, and Schmidt: Update

So BigRed and I are going out Friday.  A timeline which captures the relevant events which led to this date follows:

Between January 2011 and March 2012: My douchbag ex made an awesome habit of falling asleep on the couch and thereby standing me up (among other asshole behavior).*

Several weeks ago (maybe 3?): I OKCupid messaged BigRed because he seemed normal and one of his profile pictures featured his giant cute floppy-looking dog.  Also, he lives nearby me and I'm way lazy.

An unfortunate theme of my dating life: naps

Between Xmas and New Years: sparse OKCupid Messaging about nothing in particular, then nada

Approximately January 3: I hadn't heard from the Red but I could see he was checking out my profile so I messaged and said Happy New Year!

Approximately January 4: He replied and said Touche, and I have no idea why.

Approximately January 5: I recommended we get a drink sometime.

All About Schmidt: First Date Edition

Schmidt somewhat resembles his name-sake, Schmidt, from New Girl.  I
chose this particular picture because I am obviously a beautiful model,
like his TV love interest, pictured here.  

So I went on a kind of last minute date last night with Schmidt.  We had been chatting on OKCupid a bit and on Saturday afternoon he suggested we grab drinks that evening.  And so we did, in my neighborhood.  

Prior to meeting, I was thinking perhaps Schmidt would not be super interested in me because his profile suggested he was tall and relatively attractive and several years younger than me.  After meeting, I was SURE he wouldn't be interested in me, he's tall, relatively attractive and skinny.  Note: thin and young is basically the opposite of "my type."  I have dated exclusively older chaps, and they've all been on the bigger side.  Now Schmidt, I am confident I weigh more than.  I am not a small person, so such a comparison wouldn't suggest this kid has an eating disorder or something, he's just a thin dude.  On top of him being attractive and thin, I also got the immediate impression he wasn't super interested in standing in a semi-crowded bar and speaking with me.  Either he was nervous initially, or my amazing charm and wit convinced him to look past my enormity and hideous appearance (I'm exaggerating, I'm kind of normal sized and kind of average looking).  While we were having a nice conversation that I was enjoying, I still felt the Schmidt-ster wasn't dying to make out with me, so, being a gracious date, I gave him several opportunities at the first bar we visited to dip out.  That first bar became even more crowded so I suggested we find someplace more pleasant to chat and drink.  (Note, another great opportunity for him to end our evening together, but he said he'd like to try another place)  

I'm Back, Bitches!

Just made out with an attractive fellow.  Way to make a comeback, me!

Details to follow.

Happy New Year!